Part IV of the Book
The First Relationship - Where All Others Begin
In the first hours, days, and months of life, something extraordinary is happening beneath the surface of what appears to be a simple, helpless infant. The baby's brain is building its most fundamental map of reality - a map that will determine how it relates to other human beings for the rest of its life. This map is called attachment, and it is being drawn through every interaction with the primary caregiver: every feeding, every touch, every moment of eye contact, every cry that is answered or left unanswered.
In Part IV of Elevating Your Origins to Love, Susan Drury explores the territory of infancy with the tenderness and precision that characterize her entire approach. She draws on attachment theory, neuroscience, and her own experience as both a healer and a woman whose own infant attachment was disrupted to illuminate how these earliest relational experiences create templates that we carry, often unconsciously, into every relationship we enter as adults.
The infant brain, operating in the delta state, is absorbing the emotional quality of its environment at the deepest possible level. It is not processing language or concepts - it is registering energy, vibration, and feeling. Is the world safe? Am I welcome? Will my needs be met? The answers to these questions, communicated not through words but through the quality of care, become the foundation upon which all future relationships are built. Understanding this is not about blame. It is about compassion - and about the possibility of creating new foundations, even now.
Secure, Anxious, Avoidant ... The Patterns We Carry
Attachment research has identified several distinct patterns that emerge from early caregiving experiences. When a caregiver is consistently responsive, warm, and attuned, the infant develops what is called secure attachment - a deep, embodied sense that the world is safe, that others can be trusted, and that their own needs matter. This becomes the foundation for healthy, fulfilling relationships throughout life.
"The quality of our earliest attachment is not our destiny. It is our starting point. And from any starting point, with awareness and love, we can build new pathways to connection, trust, and belonging."
When caregiving is inconsistent - sometimes responsive, sometimes not - the infant develops anxious attachment, characterized by a persistent uncertainty about whether love will be available. When caregiving is emotionally distant or rejecting, avoidant attachment develops, in which the child learns to suppress their need for connection as a survival strategy. And when caregiving is frightening or chaotic, disorganized attachment can emerge, creating a painful internal conflict between the need for closeness and the fear of it.
Susan emphasizes that these patterns are not character flaws or permanent diagnoses. They are survival strategies - brilliant adaptations that the infant brain created to navigate its specific environment. The child who learned to suppress their needs was not being cold; they were being wise. The child who became anxious was not being needy; they were being vigilant. Understanding this removes shame and opens the door to compassionate transformation. Through Susan's guided processes, you can honour the survival strategy that served you as an infant while consciously creating new patterns of attachment that serve you as an adult.
Understanding Your Attachment Blueprint
The Delta State Download
In the first two years of life, the brain operates primarily in delta - the deepest brain wave frequency. In this state, the infant absorbs the emotional quality of its environment without any conscious filtering, creating the most fundamental imprints about safety, trust, and belonging.
Attachment as Survival Strategy
Whether secure, anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, your attachment pattern was a brilliant adaptation to your specific early environment. Understanding this removes shame and replaces it with compassion for the infant who was simply doing their best to survive.
Earned Secure Attachment
Research shows that adults can develop what is called 'earned secure attachment' - a secure relational style created through conscious work, therapy, and healing relationships. Susan's processes are designed to allow exactly this kind of transformation.
About the Author
Susan Drury - Healing the First Bond
Susan Drury's own experience of disrupted infant attachment - separated from her mother for weeks after a traumatic birth in Rome - has given her a uniquely personal understanding of how early bonding shapes a life. Over more than thirty years of healing practice in Vancouver, BC, she has helped thousands of individuals understand and transform their attachment patterns through cranial sacral therapy, the Present Child Method, shamanic healing, and guided meditation.
She offers private sessions, membership programs, the Elevated Body cards, and retreats.
Learn More About SusanFrequently Asked Questions
What is attachment theory?
Attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, describes how the quality of early caregiving creates internal working models of relationships. These models - secure, anxious, avoidant, or disorganized - influence how we relate to others throughout our lives.
Can attachment patterns really change in adulthood?
Yes. Research on 'earned secure attachment' shows that adults can develop secure attachment through conscious healing work, therapy, and nurturing relationships. Susan's processes are specifically designed to help with this transformation.
Is this about blaming my parents?
Not at all. Susan's approach is rooted in compassion for everyone involved. Your caregivers were shaped by their own attachment experiences and were doing their best with the resources they had. Understanding attachment is about healing, not blame.
How does this connect to Susan's body cards?
The Elevated Body cards work with the physical body's memory of attachment experiences. Different body systems hold different aspects of our relational history, and the cards help bring conscious awareness to these held patterns for healing.
Build a New Foundation of Love
Your earliest attachment was your starting point - not your destiny. With awareness, compassion, and guided support, you can create new patterns of connection that transform every relationship in your life.