I write this in the middle of my annual descent into pain. Going on now for some thirty plus years, trigeminal neuralgia (otherwise known as excruciating nerve pain in the face) continues to be my faithful companion, periodically rising up to take over a greater part of my moment-to-moment experience.
Wait, wait – this isn’t a pity party (although at times I do feel like throwing myself under a bus), but instead a missive for what we all will find ourselves in, at one time or another.
Regardless of the form it may take in our lives, pain is part of the human journey. Loved ones will leave us or die, our body will feel suffering, we may endure material losses, natural or human-made disasters, trauma such as persecution, rape, violence, war.
When we are in the grips of pain, whether physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, we can feel hopeless, helpless. Not able to see beyond this moment of suffering. We are stuck on the ‘bad’ end of a polarity, where one side is what we most desire, and the other end what we most want to avoid.
“The Blessed Lord said:
Physical sensations, cold and heat,
pleasure and pain, are transitory,
So bear them patiently, Arjuna.
Be beyond all opposites,
anchored in the real, and free from all thoughts
of wealth and comfort.”
(Bhagavad Gita, S. Mitchell translation)
The lines of this verse, spoken by the God Krishna to the great warrior Arjuna – to whom Krishna has chosen to appear and counsel because he knows he is ready to hear his teachings – are firstly about not trying to escape from whatever our present moment contains (physical sensations, situations, challenges), but to bear them patiently. And then to move beyond the opposites. What does that mean?
When I am in the grips of pain, I need to retreat. To bed, to a hot bath, to an inner sanctuary, where I can dive underneath the current of pain and rest in a greater wholeness. The larger me, the I AM. The Self, capital S. Beyond the body, beyond the stories, the circumstances, the goods and bads, the highs and lows. To knowing myself not just as this Susan, this body, this history, but as an essence that is pristine, eternal.
There is a purpose to our lives, our journeys, our stories, that goes beyond what is on our resumes (or epitaphs). What is the deeper story of You? It’s not found in your achievements, but neither is it in your miseries. There is a glorious purpose to you, to me, to each and every one of us that is far beyond the momentary, the transient.
One day each of us will pass from this life, just as these moments of pain will also come to an end. But when in “it,” we can reach beyond, we can find a place, even within the worst suffering, of rest. Of appreciation. For our deeper journey, beyond the opposites. Beyond the need for things to be a certain way in order to feel peace. Of knowing our true Beingness, beyond the transient, the good/bad, the hot/cold, the pleasure/pain.
There is a growing within that only pain can inspire. Although we in our human lives so want to believe in the happily-ever-after of fairy tales, the Self is beyond that necessity. Know yourself as more than your body, your circumstances, your material possessions or achievements. Know your Self as the real: pristine, and free.
To know the Self beyond all opposites
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