It’s amazing what happens when you write a book.
My book “Elevating Your Origins to Love: A Guided Journey of Transformation, Healing and Power” came out of creating an online course for parents – and then evolved into a much broader work, that turned out to become this book. Once started, the writing went quickly – but the editing and personal growth this work has required of me, has taken time.
A key aspect of the book is that no matter how privileged or terrible our backgrounds, each of us created beliefs about ourselves, life, and others, from what we experienced during our earliest, most dependent and impressionable years. Beliefs that may have served to keep us safe and cared for at the time, but as mature, independent adults, operate within our minds and bodies to limit our freedom, enjoyment and mastery of life.
Since most of our patterns are unconscious, we don’t even know we have them – until something in our experience feels painful, uncomfortable, and definitely unwanted. A one-off may not get noticed, but when we have habitual repetitive issues (in relationships, situations, jobs, our health, etc), this is a clear message of something running us. The tail wagging the dog.
What happens next? We want to get away from these uncomfortable feelings and negative thoughts. So we suppress the feeling; or get mad; blame others; feel depressed. Have a drink. Shut down a relationship. There are so many things we will do, to keep from feeling that oh so familiar and oh so terrible pain.
When it comes to our feelings, memories, reactions, thoughts, dreams, and emotions, which is where trauma, disappointment, or a tendency to feel any certain way gets lodged, we are looking primarily at our brain and nervous system. Our brains continually send messages throughout our body, and these messages travel along pathways made up of neurons. While we might assume that we control our thoughts and the messages being communicated throughout us, that is hardly the case. Hundreds of neural signals are continually being stimulated automatically. Indeed, a huge amount of neural pathway activity happens below our conscious awareness, and outside of our conscious control.
Our subconscious beliefs and lessons become the filter through which we perceive and act out in the world. Regardless of how true or helpful our conclusions were, they become our auto-drive, guiding us in our behaviors, reactions, thoughts, judgments, and decisions.
Many of the teachings in our survival manual are so ingrained that they drive our behavior automatically. Despite all the stock we put into our conscious mind’s ability to assess, make choices, and act, this is only part of how we interact with life. Our conscious mind isn’t even that big a part of us — although we tend to ascribe everything we believe we are to it.
Below that relatively small portion of our human operating system is a whole realm of unknown and unconscious triggers, many derived directly from our earliest experiences and assumptions. These silent influences continually direct neurological, chemical, and hormonal signals to be sent throughout our bodies. They use our energy and affect our physical sensations, emotions, thoughts, actions, and reactions.
We are born into challenges. It appears we humans are meant to be messed around with, to feel the entire spectrum of emotions, to explore and stumble and encounter hardship and stress right from the beginning. To learn about what does and doesn’t feel good. To be indoctrinat- ed into a worldview that reflects the history and experience of the family into which we are born.
What the child in us doesn’t realize is that we have grown up since those days. The situation, the environment, the people around us have long since changed — and so have we. Trusting in our own capacity to find personal transformation and growth through anything we have lived, is the first step.
Next, is the willingness to accept — or at least imagine accepting — our past pain or trauma as a pathway for our growth. This takes time and patience — and compassion. And then one day we find ourselves finally able to digest what had previously felt toxic. A deep hurt becomes one more transformative influence in becoming the wise, whole person we came here to be.
The conclusion I have drawn in my book and from my life journey is only one: We must come to see our origins and ourselves in a new light. In the light of wrongs being rebirthed into rights. In the light of radical, compassionate acceptance. In the light of plain and simple love.
What would happen if you loved yourself and your life through these old, unconscious and not even relevant beliefs?
Not knowing is true knowing;
Presuming to know is a disease.
First realize you are sick,
Then you can move toward health.
The Master is her own physician.
She has healed herself of all knowing,
Thus she is truly whole.”
(Tao te Ching Chapter 71
Stephen Mitchell translation)