I just returned from a 3-day event that drew together 100+ people, all involved in one way or another in the transformation “business”. Although I knew a few people, many were strangers and we spent 3 full days in profound interaction.
One of the intentions I had right from the start, was to let go of worrying what people might be thinking about me, and instead focus on what I was thinking about them. I deliberately turned down the dial on self-consciousness and instead did my utmost to meet and perceive each person through the lens of love; full presence to see each individual appearing before me, as unique and precious.
Isn’t this what we most want? To be seen without critical judgement? Heard through ears that listen with kindness? Received in appreciative acceptance? Maybe one reason we are mostly fixated on what others might be thinking about us, is because so often we automatically fall into judging them. On what they look like. What they say. They do. Rather than meeting others in open interest and generosity, we come from a defensive (or offensive) posture based on suspicion, judgement, fear.
It’s true that we really can’t help noticing what people look like, and assessing whether or not they agree with our beliefs on what’s right or wrong, good or bad, true or false. But underneath, we are all members of the human family. We go beyond nationalities, color, language. We share the same planet as home, have the same needs for safety, connection, meaning and love.
You may think that perceiving through a loving gaze makes you vulnerable or naive – however in truly coming from love, there is a deeper perception. It clearly sees where people may be coming from, but with compassionate understanding. A recognition that everyone is on their own journey and this is theirs’. It doesn’t mean joining or rescuing them, but simply honoring each person as a Being in progress. On their path of figuring things out. Just like me.
So how did it go? Well, hit or miss, but I kept returning my focus and intention to seeing with eyes of love. And you know what? While it was work, it was also freeing. To deliberately let go of worrying what someone was thinking about me and instead just be present in appreciation to them. I don’t have to agree, I don’t even have to understand, but I can love them in their humanity and willingness to take up their individual journey. And that can be enough.
It’s not what you are thinking about me, it’s what I am thinking about you. Loving. Appreciating. Accepting.
It may not look like world peace – but in my world, it sure feels like it.
Susan Drury
https://www.susandrury.com