~ An adapted excerpt from my book “Elevating Origins to Love”
When we are in the grips of a stress or defensive response, we truly feel alone and there is no sense of safety, relaxation, or community (except with those sharing our experience in the same way). It’s an alienating state that we aren’t meant to stay in very long, as basically it uses all our resources — our energy to mount a defense against whatever is threatening us so we can escape.
The three main reactions of the stress-activated nervous system are fight, flight, and freeze. Fight is an aggressive, angry, hot sense where you feel people/ situations are against you and you must rise up to fight. Flight is more like the prey animal suddenly bursting into motion to escape the lion bearing down on them — wanting to get the hell out of Dodge. Freeze is the deer frozen in the headlights, so overcome with fear that it cannot even speak, think, or move.
Once the threat is over, our optimal human blueprint wiring is to return to a state of relaxation, rejuvenation, reconnection, and restoration. In that state you feel relaxed and connected with others, your body can repair, rest, and restore, and you return to activities that interest or inspire you.
Your nervous system is like a sensitive thermostat – it seeks to protect you. At the same time, it is the fight/flight/freeze response that also causes you to experience difficulty with situations that don’t pose a threat.
Learning more about your inner wiring and design, and tuning into your own experience of reality, can help you gain essential understanding that can help you navigate your reality with greater peace and confidence.
The practice below is designed to help you tune into your nervous system. After you do the practice, I recommend you take some time to self-reflect based on the questions at the end of the practice.
Tuning Into Your Nervous System
Sit quietly, away from distractions. Don’t do this if you are driving, or anywhere/time when you need to be alert to the external world.
Think of a stressful situation you are currently dealing with in your life. Close your eyes and turn your attention inside, into your body.
What do you notice?
Where do you notice things?
What kind of physical sensations do you feel? How do you experience the sensations?
What do they feel like? Get specific.
Explore your sensations further.
Describe the sensations to yourself in more detail.
Their quality. Density. Whether they stay static or change.
Do they remain in one spot or radiate? Move around? Connect to other parts of your body, or remain separate?
Don’t try and change anything, simply tune in and observe whatever physical sensations you experience when you think of this stressful situation.
Now: Tune into any emotions you may be feeling.
Very likely, these are quite present to you; maybe even easier to identify than the physical sensations.
As you name your emotions, ask yourself, “What is the sensation of this particular emotion within my body?”
Be an observant detective of whatever is happening within you. Keep your eyes closed and simply remain focused on your inner experience.
Don’t try to change anything, just be present to whatever is happening inside you as you consider this stressful situation.
Now — as you remain present and aware of whatever is happening within you, continue to observe and describe to yourself what you are experiencing. Name your sensations. Describe them to yourself and continue to feel them without trying to change or suppress them. Simply be present, open, and acknowledging of them, continually aware of and following them within yourself.
Next, notice whether you are experiencing any reaction not only to the situation, but perhaps to your own physical, emotional reaction itself.
What is happening within your physical chemistry? Your neurology? Continue to remain very observant.
Notice what happens within you, the cycle you go through when you feel under this particular stress.
Again, don’t try and change anything, simply observe and allow these processes within you to happen. Simply be with yourself and your experience.
As you remain very present to your inner experiences — sensations, emotions, thoughts — and continue to observe them without judging or trying to change them, ask yourself these questions:
How safe do I feel right now?
How comfortable am I in my body right now?
How connected or close do I feel to other people, including those who might be part of the situation, right now?
How would I describe my energy right now?
Don’t judge what you observe or feel, as you consider those questions. They are simply here to help you understand what happens in your personal stress cycle, when your nervous system gets activated.
You may notice a desire to move or shift a part of your body; go ahead and let your body do anything it wants to do, such as shift or stretch or shake or vibrate. Remain keenly present to every aspect of your body’s movements
Follow any changes that occur in your body as a result of your movements
Remain present and aware of whatever is happening within you.
Now see if you can let the image of the situation, or whatever has been causing you stress, to fade away a bit. Remain very present to your inner experience as you remember that this isn’t actually happening anywhere other than in your body/mind. Bring yourself back to the here and now, to sitting in your chair, to this moment where there is no need for you to take any action or solve any problems, even as you continue to focus on whatever is going on within you.
Continue to notice your physical sensations, your emotions, and any thoughts that are running through your mind. Don’t buy into them, but don’t resist them either. You simply want to be fully present to whatever is happening inside, watching without any resistance.
Notice how things may be shifting. Perhaps the sense of dan- ger or anger or tightness or constriction begins to lessen a bit. Remember — you are simply sitting here, no one is threatening or disturbing you in actuality. It’s all been an inner journey and now you are letting it go.
Take a few deep breaths and let them out slowly, slowly. Open your eyes and see if you can find something soothing or enjoyable to look at. Notice any further internal loosening or relaxing that may be taking place.
Ask yourself: Have I fully let go of any of the stressful feelings I conjured up? How connected to other people and the world around me do I now feel?
Post-practice reflection
As you thought of the stressful situation, you likely noticed tightening or constriction in your body — maybe your stomach, chest, shoulders, neck, or head. You may have experienced some unpleasant emotions — fear, anger, panic, frustration. And your mind was probably telling you in no uncertain terms all the things wrong with this situation.
Here are some questions to ask yourself as you become more aware of your personal nervous system and the energy you emanate:
How would you describe your energy when you were in that moment?
What kind of effect might that energy have on how you feel about yourself, your life, and others in that moment?
What kind of an effect would that energy have on your body as it runs through you?